It's now 8 days before I head off to Canada and guess what? I'm not looking forward to it that much. It could be because I don't have a place to stay? It could be because I don't have a job? I don't know. It's a vicious, vicious cycle. I need a place to stay to return to after a hard day of looking for a job, I need a job to pay for the houe, I need a bank account for the money from the job to go in to so I can pay for the house and so on. You see how it is. I'm sure one of them is harder than the other. I'm feeling very nonchalant about it to be quite honest. Like I'm just going to get a place, I'm just going to find a job, I'm just going to open a bank account. I really am not sure what I need to do.

I guess I need to fail. I obviously don't want to but it's probably good if I do. Not in the wholly classical sense where lose everything. No, maybe small doses of failure will be good. I don't think too many people know exactly what there plans are. I have a rough plan I'm working to but anything in between - good or bad - seems to be quite fair in gaining. What the hell do I mean? Can't say but I know that it's mine.

Ultimately it's my decisions and actions that determine how successful I will be in Canada. I should be looking for places to stay and jobs to gain. Perhaps my happy-go-lucky attitude needs to be changed or at least adjusted. There's thing in my life I know I want and I'll be damned if I'm going to let opportunities pass me by.

Also I'm pregnant.

Were I a meat eatin' in-die-vijual I would certainly drink gravy as a morning drink - similar to how many people start their day with a piping hot vessel of coffee! You could justify it saying that you have some form of mental disease. I think I do so I could even have a shirt stating so "I Drink Gravy - Do You?"

What's the pint? Mmm, Guinness today. What if I were more enthusiastic about the internet and my general "hobbies" i.e. photography, music, flowers, sleeping? Would I be better? Would more people like me? Could I go in to stores that cater for more upmarket people? I don't think I've ever purchased anything thinking "Oh yeah, that looks good on me". Well maybe at Target. I liked Target IN AUSTRALIA. America was lacking some...thing. You know how it is with those Americans. They are ones like Chelsea who I love :)

lovelovelove

Cop this!

I have just read a prophetic page in my little memo book which I thought was quite amusing. I had a similar attitude before I left Australia for England. It reads:


Chilling visions of the future for Cameron Cuming. It's not even 2009 and I'm predicting my down fall. It's absolutely not a case that I don't trust myself. No. It has more to do with the fact that I am going in to a completely foreign country. Whilst I'm quite aware that the Canadians are formal with their English, my limited time in America (3 months-ish, 7 days) indicates to me that it will be an incredible transition for me to make. Just think about this. For 21 years I lived in a reasonably large city - in Australian terms at least. Wikipedia says 85,000 people as of 2006 census but I'm sure it was 95,000 people when I left last year. 10,000 in a year? Probably untrue but regardless it was just under 100,000 people. I stayed there for twenty-one years. Sure we moved but you are actually talking about no more than 2kms away from my childhood house.

Mum and dad liked the area and I can't blame them. I like it too but now I understand there is more out there. Australia almost promotes a sentiment of celebrating isolationism. "We're Australia and because we're cut off from the rest of the world, we'll act like that's part of the draw of us!". Don't get me wrong, please. It is certainly a comforting feeling while you live there but once you take off from Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Adelaide (should not have it's own international airport for 2 reasons), Brisbane or Hobart International Airports, you begin to realise that we have sort of doomed ourselves. We are like the Boo Radley of the world. If you don't understand that then I'm not going to explain it to you. Read a damned book. Specifically "To Kill A Mockingbird". Everyone else should be rolling around in the aisles in stitches due to my talent in comparing my nation to a character in a book.

Enough of my "Un-Australianness". I'm sure if anyone bothers to read this it will come up somewhere along the line. Believe you me, I am Australian. I like being Australia. I enjoy being Australian. I hate the Poms and Kiwis as much as everyone else but I refuse to be blinkered to the world and what it has to offer. I am not a horse for a start. I just want to see what there is! As much as I hate it one day I will probably return to the sun and the sea. That's right. One day I will go back to Brighton and thumb my nose in the direction of Australia.

My initial idea for this post was to tell you that I will be leaving the United Kingdom on the 17th of March, 2009. I will be leaving from Manchester Airport and I'll be landing and Philadelphia International Airport. I'll be staying there for a week with a friend and then on the 24th I will scoot down to Nashville, Tennessee to visit Chelsea. I'd like to think I will be able to be there for my birthday (23rd, April). I would have liked to have been there for this year when Elvis Costello played at the Ryman Auditorium but it just wasn't to be. That's a shame but really it was only a 22nd. Even the 21st wouldn't have been that important! 23rd on the 23rd of April. Nice one, Cameron. Just a couple of drinks and some food at McCreary's. I love that place even though at the moment I live half an hour away from the actual Ireland. It doesn't matter one bit.

Then, with a little luck, I will be flying up to Toronto on the 28th of April. Keeping in line with my neuroticism I hope to have some sort of of accommodation lined up and even a couple of job interviews if not an actual job. Seeing as I'm not that skilled at anything other than talking (and then barely that!) I fear a little bit how difficult it may be. As careless and fancy free as I am I quite obviously don't want to turn up to Canada and be living off savings from England. I hope to have enough to allow myself a crutch to stand on for, if need be, a couple of weeks. I'm going to check out if there is anything like the website I went through in Australia for England. Except for Canada in England. I'm a wily one. If not overly cautious then perhaps just a little bit mentally diminished. That is to say that I should not operate a car or perhaps even a razor.

So there you go. You all sort of know what is going on. If not pay closer attention.

Cameron.

Also read here. It's more informative and it makes you think.

I'm still not happy, you know. I can't say why. I just want to melt like a vanilla ice cream. Melting is fun. Can somebody explain why things go on this way?

Yeah. Perhaps I should update with an actual 'update' of me, eh? Perhaps.

Well where did I leave off? I believe that Chelsea had just been here. She came again and that was divine. Then I went over there and I cried when I got back. Originally I had that as a question mark but that wasn't what I meant. I think my life is pretty dandyish but there's a reality check I need to get under. I sometimes feel like smashing my face against a wall. I would apart from two things: 1) I'd ruin a good wall and 2) I don't think mum wants to spend more than about 9$ on the funeral. I don't blame her. I honestly don't.

I figure I don't know what I want at this particular point in time. Does anyone? I think anyone who say they do are liars. I'm still convinced I'm not gonna be around much anymore but I'm not allowed to air those sentiments. I'm feeling stupid. That is to say I know I'm smart but not intelligent. I'm not dumb but I'm not bright. Does that even make sense? Probably not. Now it makes me sound big headed with the whole 'I know I'm smart'. I feel unsmart. That's the closest to what I feel. My brain needs weeding. I think I should grow up and stop relying on the 'hoping people think I'm funny' gimmick. I'm not funny.

I notice that a lot of those sentences were rather short and uncommunicative. What can I say? I don't know what people want to hear. I'm still living in England (predominantly so) and that's a complete blast. It's like all the drunk uncles in the world are there and the annoying aunt who nags him is there too! Wow. That's an unfair assessment of England. Just Manchester. The thing that gets me about England is the lack of space. I come from a country quite known for an abundance of space and to go from that to a country which is about the size of a closet - not a good idea. It's bloody awful actually. There've been times that I've not been the greatest frame of mind and I've almost done the 'bad' thing. That's right. Eaten a barrel of ice cream.

That is why I'm glad to be in America. Sadly I know I won't be able to stay too much longer and the cruel fangs of England are howling and they have my name on them. That really didn't make sense. Gimme a break though; it's a quarter to 2 in the morning! Go on. I'll wait until the breaking starts.

I hope that I can be kind. Kinder at least?

A little poetry to end:

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of drought and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror
The wide brown land for me!

I am using thissss!

Gooooood moaning, ladels and jellyspoons. I have a request that I'm hoping someone can fulfil? I'm looking for the Macca song 'Suicide' but I can't find it. Even after having looked on the internet I can not find which bootleg it is on. I'm hoping someone has the grace and courage (orrr perhaps not?) to have this on their hard drive? I can't offer much in return. I do have the Rubber Soul Sessions which are quite a listen to, especially the Think For Yourself dialogues. Completely hilarious!

I did find Suicide on YouTube but being a moron, I can't rip the video/sound from YouTube. Oh, cruel, cruel pie!

"So..you're still here? That's unusual. I would have expected you to be gone quite soon" I wittishly said to myself
"Wittishly is not a word. Why not add it to your dictionary?" I replied to myself
"You'd like that wouldn't you. So I will to please myself!" said Cameron.

I'm not going to write a Beatles slash fiction. If I did it would be considered the greatest literary masterpiece ever conceived. Try to prove me wrong! You can not.

Not too sure on what to update you on. I'm still in England, I'm still pulling pints for a living and I'm still so groanworthy of life it's not funny. Oh what I would do if I had a million pound. I would probably invest it in a high interest account and profit from my wise investments.

Yeah. I'm just doing this to keep up appearances, that's all.

...crimney. An update! As follows:

I think had I not realised how mildly retarded I am, I would not have posted this. It hurts sometimes being as stupid as me but eventually you get used to it. So I guess all you gangsters and other assorted villans of ill repute will want to know how I'm going? Well y'know what! Buy my autobiography. It has foreword by just about anyone you can think of. As once was said by great singer-songwriter, musician, poet, artist and peace activist John Lennon - Half of what I say is meaningless but I say it just to reach you'. Well mine is slightly more than half but you dig the meaning.

Right. Where to start? I suppose the 100 million to the power of fucking 10 trillion hours I'm working at this 'pub' (it's actually a bistro but who cares) should be my opener. I am working too many hours there to go out and about and do anything. Everytime I have a day off, some clownbird will be sick, die, have another domestic/social/scientific problem they can't figure out and good ol' Mr Reliable i.e. me will come and enlisted in help. It's nice to be known like that but I came over here to travel, not to work. A lie. I did but not as much. Too much of anything is too much for me. It's a living though, innit? More £ I earn over here translates in to more $ in the U.S...

...which brings me on to my second point of discussion. I would be in America right now come June! How exciting. Or 'How excitement' like that fucking idiot Effie used to say. Man, Greek people suxxor*. Especially if they're on the roof. Back to the topic. Yes! Cameron, the experienced globetrotter he is, will be landing in America come June the 3rd. Flying from Mancland to Newark, New Jersey and then from there to Nashv-eel, Ten-uh-see. I'm either going to turn up in a cowboy outfit, a suit or made of potatoes. I have not yet decided. A combination of both would just be a) fantastically stupid b) expensive c) semprini.

I don't know what I'm going to do while I'm there. I will be under the watchful eye of Chelsea. I imagine she will kill me just to rid of me. Plus who hasn't wanted to kill a foreigner on their home turf? Helllllo, Peter Falconio? I would like to kill a British backpacker. That'll learn 'em. Send us off here then expect us to welcome them with open arms.

But seriously folks... she has instructed me to construct some form of 'list' in which she will cross off as a) fantastically stupid b) expensive c) a combination of both. I know really nothing about America or what I'm fixing to expect. I'd like to have a wander around Nashville in a similar vein to which she and I wandered around Manchester**. One thing I don't want to do is to describe to everyone about why I'm over there or why I'm not from Sydney and where Neighbours is. Wait, I've done that over here. I'm sure Neighbours isn't as popular. Maybe the Crocodile Hunter or Crocodile Dundee. Man, the Americans have a thing with Crocodiles. I will punch an alligator. Our crocodiles are far superior.

Other than that, I don't know. She proposed the Grand Canyon and that would indeed rock. It's a bit far over though. It's like saying to someone 'Oh, want to go to the Sydney Opera House?' while you're in Adelaide. However I must point out that it is rather nothing like it. For one the Grand Canyon, as far as I know, is a naturally forming gorge whereas the Sydney Opera House isn't and was built on shipyards/warehouses. No wonder Sydney is a heap of shit anyway. Thanks for the Olympics, jerks.

*ahem*. I will compile a list, Chelsea. Don't worry about that and if you do, well..my Lord, there is going to be strife coming your way. I can tell when you worry 'cause I am just that good at worrying I can pick up on other people worrying. Often I can't because I don't give a stuff but with you I can. Remember how often I would ask 'What's up?' or 'What's going on?' and you would say in your cutest accent 'Nuthin' and that would just enrage me slightly more. Keep in mind when you would ask a similar question, you would get a similar answer. I think I said it 'Nah-thing' though. Sorry for the broadness of my accent. It's an idiot of a thing.

Right! That's out of the way, how are my Australian friends going? Are you even still reading this? Let me recall sometimes at school I found quite amusing:

1) Robert getting himself in trouble for not keeping quiet with Mrs McCullough. The best time I had in SOSE
2) Hitting James with a cricket ball. I recind all my sentiments towards that now. It was a fucking cracking shot and would have gone for 4 runs.
3) Dobson flipping me over on to those shithouse desks in Indonesian. How did he do it! I still don't know but who cares. It was funny as a shrimp wearing a hat. Hat shrimp.
4) Keeping on the Indonesian subjekt - the McDonalds drivethrough Dobson and Matt had going on. I wish I wasn't so shit at Indonesian that I too could have wasted time like that. I think I did but I suffered for it.
5) Cynthia trying to paint her eyes in Art. Why! I told her not to. Well that's not true. I actually gave the advice it probably wouldn't be the best idea but who am I to advise other people against doing stupid things
6) Hitting that white moth that was plaguing the start of the B-division 400 metres sprinting. Why was I even in it! Why! Surely Stephen was a faster runner. Probably wearing too many rings and beanies. I didn't think I did too badly in the end.

Oh, the times we had. I keep thinking about brushing up on my Indonesian but there's no point really. Who likes them? No one. *makes sly Muslim joke*. German too. I'm sure I should increase my linguistic capabilities but I won't. How do we even learn English! It's like a amalgamation of every language in the world anyway. It's such a faraffaf of a language! See what I did there! I made up a word trying to pass it off as my own. Crap, I let on too fast! I must flee.

I have two songs in the works. One is a forced, contractual obligation to Chelsea LTD that will end in over production, under displayed mash of hig-hog malarky. The other is from a phrase I wrote on a piece of newspaper known as 'I Am Talking To You'. It was meant as quite literal phrase because at the time I was talking to Chelsea hence the 'I am talking to you' making quite a lot of sense. However I found some nice chords to fit around a possibly stolen melody (ref: Let My Love Open the Door). I don't think it is but I've only heard that song perhaps once! Or twice. Maybe 3 times.

Edit: Upon reflection is slightly pinched but bloody hell...Pete Townshend stole my idea. Probably. Damned Empty Glass.

I'm looking online for cool threads but all the things I used to compare to being cool are now not. Am I so out of touch...? No, it's the children who are
wrong. Even Penny Arcade is down, man. Remember when it used to be cool? I do. Heh, Real Life used to be amazing but that turned to shit when Greg Dean started having his personal problems. What a fuckin' elk. That's right. SUE ME FOR LIBEL, DEAN! p.s. please don't.

I feel like a curry RIGHT now. A Thai Green one to be exact. Man, I made a delicious one the other night. It was like all the Thai Green Currys had come together, said 'We should be really awesome tonight' and did so. It was just the best!!!! EVER! (competition ended just then!)

So what else? Nothing really. I'm really looking forward to not being in this job any more. I would like a delicious burger sometime like I had in Belfast. IN FACT that is my goal. I will go to the airport and get one. It was ga-roooooovy and so tasty. The girl who served me was, I'm pretty sure, Polish or some sort of eastern European. Whatever. It was tasty but the bitter taste of a certain American girl leaving still permeated through my taste buds. I did not eat her. Don't even think like that, you filths.

My hair taking on a somewhat afroish qualities. I don't mind. I need more funk in my life. I spelt that lifke to begin with. What does that mean! Almost my mantra for being in England. I have said that about myself and other things I've said plenty of times. I even wrote it down while I was thinking that. I did tell Chelsea 'not to fall in to the common ruin...what does that mean!'. It was on a cigarette packet I ripped open to use as a note pad even though I had a note pad of my own to the side. What an usual set of circumstances it was.

I think that is enough for the gossip hungry slags you all are. Even though you don't think you are, you are. Australians are the best people in the world, Americans next and then everyone else. I don't know. I'm biased, perhaps but fuck you. This is my blog and I'll post what I like. i.e. I WANT MUSHROOMS. Perhaps scrambled eggs, perhaps an omelette. Eggs are good for you. You'd better run egg! Toward me, yummo. *a-ghomp*. That's right. I made that noise. h0h0.

Anyway - for people who have seen my video - see you later...school kiiiiids.


*They don't. thanks for kalamata olives, fishermen hats, striped shirts and the Olympics.

**N.B I take wander to mean walking down past the Arndale, turning onto Deansgate then going to the Walkabout. Yes, I'm sorry Chelsea. I really am.

Whooooa, that long with out an update? No way! People won't even know I'm going to England or got this really humourous tattoo! *not really*

Anyway I am going to England. MANCHESTER...to be exact. I don't know what to expect. I'm fearful but also happy. Happily worried. I'm glad I'm going. It just seems like a very un-Cameron think to do. I don't know if I can carry on my old habits over there - probably?

I've decided I'm crazy. I'm a bit delirious sometimes in my sleep. It's a struggle but I end coercing myself to nap time. I sometimes think of a real large piece of broccoli and I go zonk. I don't know how that works but shit it works well.

Since last update I actually got a song recorded by the Dobson's. It is called Rainhead. It's quite Oasisy. I don't know why it's like that. It just turned out like that. Man, it's not too bad! Y'should all hear it. Just tune in to my brain!